Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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