you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
