my vag is so smooth its legendary
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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