the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
