thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
