Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
