fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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