I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
