No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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