You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
