Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
