I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
