I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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