So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
