GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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