dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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