please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
