planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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