the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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