marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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