Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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