She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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