We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
