did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
