Nicole vs. Life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
