I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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