My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
