what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
