he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
