Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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