they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
