I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
