are you still at the devil's house?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
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