one two three fourrrrnication!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
