We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
