Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
