I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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