I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
