I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
