Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize