I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
