the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
