I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
