Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
