In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
