...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
