I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
