i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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