I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
