I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
