you have to choose: penises or morals?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
