Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You left your phone here
Wait...
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