She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
