I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
