Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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