Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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