His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
