ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
