And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Drunk is not a location!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize