True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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