Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
