i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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