He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
