I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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