This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize