I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
