I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
barbara walters just said penis...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Terrible idea I love it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
