The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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