is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
