im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
