All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
