You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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