I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
