So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
