just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
