When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
