I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
