Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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