I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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