im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
