Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
