Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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