I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just pee around me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize