I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
