I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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