Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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