I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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