i jhust puked up my retainher.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
