were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
