He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
