Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize