3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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