do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
