Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize