my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
