I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
