She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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