hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
