I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You ate ashes out of my bong
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
