I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
