It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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