I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
