I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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