Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I could make wine with my vomit
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
