How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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