I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
