I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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